Assidean chant  

   I wish I could talk to my teacher about what is happening to me. It is simply that I am not able to create something that I like.

   It is not about painting for painting, because I still do that, but copying for copying does not give me the satisfaction I seek. I would like to ask Carlos if what I am feeling is normal and this also happens to other painters. If it has ever happened to him.

   I wonder if the confinement that we have suffered for almost three months has something to do or has it been pure chance; but the truth is that from the end of March until now I have limited myself to colouring the drawings; you know, more or less what a child would do. I remember one of the first paintings I painted more than two years ago. It was an avocado cut in half and I followed the steps of the video where I had discovered it. That experience was almost a miracle: firm strokes, correct use of colours, attractive background. It was my first still life and of which I am most proud. I still have it and during the period of isolation and when the darkest pessimism fell on my artistic projection, I took it out, looked at it and smiled at it. Then I put it back between two sheets of newspaper.

   When I started to paint, with results as fast as that of that avocado, I thought that creating was going to be an easy matter… When I approach my third year of learning between oils and acrylics I am stuck and I do not see a path to follow.

   Dear Fran, do you understand what I'm talking about? I am aware that any human activity does not be a straight and constant line without falling from time to time, but I do not know how far the fall can go and if at any time I will be able to stop and have the necessary strength to rise again and create works that do not shame me. It is then when I cling to an ancient Assidean chant: You have to descend very low to find the strength to soar.  

   Y. a.

   Mary